My Baptism ~ March 21, 2010, Centerpoint Church

Romans 8

Romans 8:1 "Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus"
Isn't this a powerful verse? I've been meditating on Romans 8 for the past month or so, and am really trying to take this verse (and the rest of the passage) to heart. We are completely forgiven and free in Christ. I struggle so much with condemning myself for every little thing I do (or don't do), that I often fail to experience Christ's acceptance and grace. I feel like it's a balance though, between being conscious of my sin and yet not weighing myself down with guilt. I am already completely acceptable and pleasing to God, because of Christ's death on the cross and forgiveness for my sin. Now I just have to figure out how to accept myself...

The most amazing lesson in forgiveness

I had lunch at Applebee's with one of my best friends here in Loma Linda, someone that I've known since before I moved down here two years ago. I had specifically asked her to have lunch with me, since I knew I needed to talk to her about something that I'd been putting off for way too long, months actually. Without going into any details, I didn't tell her about something that occurred months ago, and have since lied about it and made up details to cover up that fact that things aren't exactly the way that they would be if said event hadn't occurred. I didn't tell her originally because I didn't want to hurt her, and I didn't want her to be disappointed with me...I don't know what I thought would eventually happen, I really have no idea...
She had every right to never want to speak to me again... As we sat down at the restaurant, and I began by saying, "I better just say what I need to say now..." because I knew it wasn't going to get any easier, I followed that up by saying, "And if after I say this you want to get up and leave, I'll understand, because you'll have every right to..."
But after I told her the truth, she looked at me and said, "It's okay." She said that multiple times as I kept trying to tell her that it wasn't okay, that what I had done was terrible. But without a second thought, she just forgave me. And she even went on to say that she didn't want things to be awkward between us, that this whole thing was under the rug and done with now. I went on to say that she'd have every right to never believe another word I said, but she simply said, "But I won't have to worry about that now, will I?"
As we parted ways, she said, "So now we're done with this, and we won't have to talk about it again." Forgive and forget. Afterwards, I found myself wondering why Christ had so fully lifted me from any lasting consequences of this, because sin does have consequences... And then I realized, He wanted to teach me an even more important lesson, that of forgiveness. I so often feel that what I have done is so awful, so terrible, that I cannot possibly be forgiven. But if my friend could so easily forgive me and restore our fellowship and allow our friendship to not be awkward, how much more does God do this for me when I confess my sin, stop doing it, and seek His forgiveness?

Excerpt from my journal

From yesterday: "When things happen, when I feel like something was my fault or I've messed up, I tend to beat myself up over it forever. Rehashing the incident over and over in my head trying to think how I could have (should have) prevented it, wishing I could go back in time and redo things. Then I try to convince myself that it wasn't really my fault, that people don't really think too badly of me for it. But then I realized on my way over [to Coffee Bean], but what if it was my fault, so what? That's what Jesus died on the cross for! No matter how careful I am, no matter how hard I try, I will always make mistakes occasionally, I will always mess up every so often, things will always be my fault once in a while. And I have to be okay with that. Because I am human, I am not, cannot be perfect. As a doctor I will end up making mistakes. With the autistic kids I do occasionally make mistakes. With friends I do sometimes say the wrong things. I don't always have the right answers or do things correctly in the biochem lab (i.e. Forgetting to run an ACN blank on the GC when I was done with samples Wed. and then worrying about Teleka being upset Thurs.). I overdrew my bank account this week. And, most recently, Noah bit Nolan in the nursery this morning, right in front of Nolan's mom Amber and Mary Ritter! And I was the most responsible, "in charge" person there...So of course I felt terrible and have been beating myself up and thinking they must think poorly of me ever since. But I can't just continually beat myself up for all these things. I am human, part of a fallen creation. I am not perfect. I cannot be perfect. But that's what Jesus died on the cross for! And even if I don't have a clean slate with man, the completely amazing thing is I can have a completely clean slate with Christ! He doesn't hold things against me! He forgives me and washes me white as snow. Which is just so awesome..."