My car

Me at the car place two weeks ago:
Me: The car is leaking oil
Car place: The cap was just loose, it’s fine
Me: Really? It has been leaking a lot of oil
Car place: Yeah it’s fine

I call the car place yesterday:
Me: I am 99% sure the car is still leaking oil
Car place [not too concerned]: Well I guess you can bring it back in tomorrow if you want

Me at the car place today:
Car place: So there’s a leak in the front engine, it’s leaking quite a bit of oil, do you need the car for the weekend? We don’t want to let it go too long because it might do more damage…
Me: Well if you remember when I brought the car in for an oil change two weeks ago I told you it was leaking oil and y’all assured me it was just a loose cap, and I told you I was actually pretty sure it was more than just a loose cap…
Car place: Oh. That’s right.

Protecting myself

Recently, I have found myself saying things like "If I'm still in med school after Christmas...", "If I don't pass these exams the school of medicine may not let me continue..." and such more and more often, even to people who don't know my history. And I was realizing this evening that it's because I'm scared, and I'm trying to protect myself as much as I can from the pain that I know is inevitable if I don't make it. Now, unlike other years, I think that there is actually a fairly strong possibility that I will make it.

While the thought of failing is scary, I realized tonight that passing is just a little bit scary too. I have only been this far once before. And pretty soon I will be in completely uncharted territory. A little bit scary, yes, but also a little exciting. I do really really want to succeed. More than ever before.

Choices

Every day of my life is filled with choices, from the moment I wake up in the morning till the time I fall asleep at night...


Do I sleep for 10 more minutes or get up and take a shower?


Do I really want to be on time to class or can I sleep for 15 more minutes?


Do I listen actively during class and take good notes, or do I {chat with my neighbor/text/journal/facebook/email} during class?


What about lunch? The options are practically endless here...bring food (although that choice would have had to be made way earlier, like back when I was deciding how long to sleep in), buy food from the vending machine, go out (alone or with friends), go home and eat, skip lunch altogether...


The afternoon...nap, study, facebook, run errands, clean? Again, endless options.


And then, do I work out or not?


When do I start studying, where do I study, and for how long?

The most productive day in recent history

Today I:
-Slept in
-Took a shower
-Went to church
-Patched 1 1/2 pairs of jeans
-Hung out with a friend
-Studied for 5 hours
-Took out the trash
-Cleaned the cat litter boxes
-Went to the gym
And am still going to bed at a decent hour. :)

Threshold

1 : the plank, stone, or piece of timber that lies under a door : sill
2a : gate, door
b (1) : end, boundary; specifically : the end of a runway (2) : the place or point of entering or beginning : outset
3a : the point at which a physiological or psychological effect begins to be produced
b : a level, point, or value above which something is true or will take place and below which it is not or will not

The threshold is the potential that a cell must reach when depolarizing in order for an action potential to occur. The threshold is also the point or value that I must obtain on my exams this week in order for me to pass and for my career in medicine to continue...
I feel like I am kind of standing on a threshold, the threshold of my life, and that this week will determine a lot (but not everything, because, as Amy suggested, I'm giving myself till Christmas).
I didn't expect to like my med school class this much this year. I didn't expect to enjoy it this much. I didn't expect to make this many friends. Last year I didn't really care. This year I do, for more reasons than just my future as a doctor.
But, like my fellow student said on the way to chapel a few weeks ago, there's not really any reason to worry or be anxious, because it won't accomplish anything. It will just make me miserable and make my studying less productive. So I'm just going to do my best to not worry, trust God, and do the best that I can on exams this week.

Facebook

On the eve of classes starting (Sunday night), I decided to give up Facebook for awhile, and that is the last time I logged in. It has only been three days, but it feels like a lot longer. I feel disconnected from everyone, and throughout the day I keep thinking of things that would be great for my fb status. But at the same time, FB had become a HUGE time-waster, plus I don't really need to know every time someone I barely even know anymore gets a haircut, goes to bed, has a bad day, makes dinner, etc. I guess the degree to which I am missing it just shows me how addicted I was.

Dear 21-year-old Me,

Don't go home every weekend - soak up every minute of time you can living in Santa Barbara. You will miss it terribly once you're gone.
Drinking isn't all it's cracked up to be. At its best you'll waste money, act silly, and make yourself sick, and at its worst you'll put yourself in dangerous situations, break the law, do things you'll regret later, and make yourself violently ill.
You think life sucks now...just wait a few years.
You have the best parents in the world.
It will always be harder for you than for most people, but you will eventually learn to interact and make friends with people. You won't always be alone.
Please don't starve yourself. I know it makes you feel better, but the consequences really aren't worth it.
Oh yeah, and you can skip the cutting too. It won't provide any real relief.
Even though all you want is to be accepted to medical school, it just may be the most difficult and painful thing to ever happen to you.
Jason is a total loser and he doesn't really love or care about you. Don't give him your time or heart.
You don't need to drive 90mph everywhere. Besides the fact that you WILL get a speeding ticket, it just isn't safe.
Dating really isn't all that great - you won't miss out on anything if you wait a while before trying it.
As much as it may seem to be true, your self-worth really isn't based on the grades you get.
God loves you and cares about you more than you can imagine. Even if it doesn't always feel like it.

Take My Life and Let It Be

We sang this song at church a few weeks ago, and the first part really struck me...
"Take my life and let it be consecrated, Lord, to Thee. Take my moments and my days, let them flow in ceaseless praise."
As I sang these words, I really started to think...what would my moments and days truly look like if they were flowing in ceaseless praise to my Savior and King? Yes, I do try to live my life for Christ, but I don't think I am really that conscious of how I am living my life moment by moment. In the little decisions I make throughout my day, is my life honoring Christ?
"In everything I say and do, let my life honor you, here I am living for your glory"

It's a good thing...

...he wasn't president when he was born, or he just might not have been!

What is this country coming to???

My older sister lives in LA. So on Friday, she's driving her car, and a lady runs a stop sign, causing my sister to hit the lady's car. Now, the lady doesn't speak any English (my sister speaks fluent Spanish, however, so they can still converse) and doesn't even have a driver's license. She also has no auto insurance. My sister calls the police, but when they arrive, they refuse to make an accident report. So basically, they do nothing, when this lady is here illegally, driving without a license, and has no car insurance?!?! At the very least they should have written her a ticket and impounded the car. Or at least made an accident report! Now that is jacked up!!!

Haha

The Los Angeles Police Department (LAPD), the FBI, and the CIA want to see who is best at catching perps. So a rabbit is released into the forest, and each of them has to catch it.
The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After months of extensive investigation, they conclude that rabbits do not exist.
The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads, they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit.
The LAPD goes in. They come out two hours later, dragging a bruised mountain lion behind them. The mountain lion is yelling, "Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!"

Wind

Yesterday and Sunday, the Santa Ana winds were blowing hard. When I walked out my front door yesterday afternoon, I discovered that a bunch of branches had blown off my palm tree and knocked my tomato plant completely over. Then, in the evening, when I was watching TV, the station (and every other channel) suddenly went out. So I decided to go up and check my email instead. Or not...my internet was down too. Oh well, at least the power didn't go out.

Twice as nice

Rich

Kudos

...to whoever invented this:



Honestly, I think the Baby Bjorn is the best invention since...I don't know, the microwave maybe? Or the car?

No description needed

Pet peeves...

1. Protecting yourself from the sun. All it took was one skin cancer lecture my first year of med school, and I haven't laid out in the sun since. I cover myself with sunscreen religiously, and encourage anyone I'm with to do the same. And it drives me crazy to see people at the beach laying out in the sun, almost naked and bright red. One in three people will get skin cancer in their lifetime, and having fair skin increases your chances.

2. Motor vehicle safety, i.e. placing your infant in a rear-facing child seat until at least 12 months of age and 20 pounds, and a forward-facing child seat until at least 6 years of age and 60 pounds. Furthermore, don't place your child under 12 years of age in the front seat (air bags kill kids!), and use a child seat with a 5-point harness (not a booster seat with an adult seat belt) until your child is at least 40 pounds.

3. Proofread what you write. Spelling and grammatical errors drive me crazy. (However, I do know that I am not completely exempt from making them occasionally. I am, after all, not completely perfect... ;)

4. Don't waste food. For whatever reason, I can't seem to throw away food until it is obviously too old to eat.

5. Letting your cell phone ring and interrupt church/lectures/conversations/etc.

6. Lateness. I can't stand being late, but I don't mind it as much in others.

7. Eating in front of people without offering the other person some (I mean, that's just plain rude).

Today I decided to get my car washed...

But first I had to clean it out...and yes, all of this was it in. And I did say car, not moving van.

Don't let the plethera of kid stuff - the stroller, snuggli, baby formula, sidewalk chalk, bubbles, etc. - fool you, I don't actually have kids, even though I do spend a lot of time with them.

My car looks great now, although I'm still getting used to how well I can see out the windows when I drive. ;-)

Beauty for Ashes?

"The Spirit of the Lord God is upon me...to grant consolation & joy to those who mourn in Zion - to give them a garland of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, the garment of praise instead of a heavy, burdened, & failing spirit - that they may be called oaks of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that He may be glorified." Isaiah 61.1 & 3

These past several years have been so difficult in so many ways. If I could have known three years ago at the start of medical school, or five years ago when I started at Westmont, where I would be today, I don't think I could have handled it. In fact, I know I couldn't have. There is a reason we cannot see or know what the future holds. At this point, consider how the past few years have been, I wouldn't want to know the future even if I could. I keep waiting for the "beauty for ashes", to see how this puzzle fits together, to figure out the why of all this pain. But I may never know this side of heaven, and things may never get any better or easier...Which is kind of hard to swallow

Summer...

This summer my time has primarily been occupied by an internship I have been doing at Kids Come First, a medical clinic for uninsured or underinsured children. When I finish this, I will be completely finished with my MPH in global health. I have also been busy with WorldWorks, as I was part of a Leadership Practice team for the past three months (that finished the last weekend of July). We worked with a homeless shelter for families in Corona, and put on several "Kids' Days", on-site carnivals of sorts. Pictures below.
I have continued working three afternoons/evenings a week with autistic children, and I've started going to a Bible study on Friday nights. So far I've only been to one, but I liked it a lot and plan to keep going.
Lastly, I've been babysitting a ton these past couple of weeks. Lots of fun, but a little tiring too.