Caramel

Caramel Macy Bristow

June 7, 2005 - May 27, 2023 

My precious, beautiful Caramel died in my arms this past Saturday morning. She would have turned 18 this next week on June 7. Two years ago, in February 2021, she began having constant diarrhea and losing large amounts of weight. However, God answered my persistent prayer to save her and in September 2021 she started steroids and was healed from irritable bowel disease. I had a wonderful additional 1.5 years with her.

On Sunday May 14 I noticed a significant growth on her left back paw. I took her to a vet in Highland (Dr. Han didn't have openings that Monday) and she got x-rays, IV fluids, and antibiotics for the paw infection she had on top of it being a growth. I took her to Dr. Han on Tuesday and he was extremely concerned about her weight loss (about 4 pounds in 4 months) and she wasn't a candidate for surgery at that time because of the weight loss and the possibility of the cancer having spread to her lungs (which the x-ray suggested). He said he was pretty positive the growth on her foot was cancerous.

Her appetite had definitely decreased and continued to do so. I began keeping her alive by squirting high calorie food down her throat using a medicine dropper. But I quickly realized I was fighting a losing battle- she ate less and less on her own and it was impossible for me to give her enough. But her quality of life still seemed good, she cuddled with me every night, sleeping right next to me or sometimes on my chest.

Last week she continued to go down hill and was no longer able to jump up onto my bed (I lifted her up whenever she got down). On Friday morning, May 26, she went under the bed, and when I called to her she didn't come out so I had to crawl under and get her. I put her on the bed, and at that point I knew she wouldn't last much longer. I was afraid she would be dead when I got home from work in the afternoon, but she was not and I spent time with her. I had to go to the LLU SOM hooding ceremony in the evening. Caramel was still okay when I got home.

I cuddled with her and then laid her next to my head where she always liked to sleep, wrapping her in a blanket because I know she was having more trouble keeping herself warm the past couple weeks because I would sometimes find her sleeping under the covers during the day. She laid next to me pretty motionless with her eyes open all night, with my arm wrapped around her or touching her all night just like she likes. Each time I woke up I checked to see if she was still breathing.

On Saturday morning I woke up around 8am. I picked up Caramel to lay her in my lap, and at that point she was completely limp, unable to even hold her head up. I laid her in my lap, and a little before 8:30 she started having a little trouble breathing. She would stop breathing briefly and then take a loud, slightly struggling breath. At 8:49am I realized Caramel wasn't taking labored breaths any longer. She was dead. I laid her next to me on the bed, still wrapped in the blanket. Butterscotch was walking around during this whole time. After a little while I went to Michael's and bought paint, ink, canvas, and clay, then came home and made several different paw prints. Caramel felt cold and stiff when I got home from Michael's, around 11:20am.

I kept Caramel in the bed with me and Scotch all afternoon and we all slept and cuddled together. Scotch slept right up next to Caramel all day. At 4:45 before leaving for Sandals I put Caramel in a bag and put her in the freezer. The ground in my back yard is pretty hard and I didn't feel up to digging a hole at that point. I did what I felt like I could do at that point.

While I am heartbroken that Caramel is dead, her death was beautiful in a way. God answered my spoken and unspoken prayers. I desperately wanted Caramel to die at home (rather than her going downhill so much or suffering so I would have to take her to the vet to get her put to sleep) and for me to be there when she died. I didn't want her to die alone. And I prayed that she wouldn't suffer. And God gave me all of those things.

Caramel died at home, in the place where she feels safest and most comfortable, held by the person she loves more than anyone else in the world and who loves her the most and knows her best, with her twin sister right there, and she died quickly and peacefully (she just quietly stopped breathing). I can only hope to die as beautifully as Caramel did someday.