I thought last time was the biggest deciding factor for my future in medical school and my career as a doctor. I passed all my exams last time, and now I feel like I am in the exact same spot I was in 5 weeks ago. Exept I haven't studied nearly as much for this set of exams. But I do have one entire set of passed exams behind me, so that's one positive thing I've got going for me. Even if I fail every single exam this round of tests, it won't be the end of the world. For me as a person (God still loves me regardless, and med school is not the most important thing in life, even if it feels like it sometimes) or for my career as a doctor (as in, my grades will technically all still be salvageable even if I fail everything). Not that I want to fail everything (or anything, for that matter), but it always helps me to put things in perspective.
This afternoon was the first time (maybe this entire school year?) that I really started feeling really anxious and kind of freaking out. But like I've realized before, anxiety and worry won't help one bit or change anything (unless it motivates me to study, and in my case it usually doesn't, it just paralyzes me with fear), so there's no reason to ruin this entire week by giving in to fear and anxiety.
"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." (Matthew 6:34)
"And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart." (Galatians 6:9)
Sunday, October 30, 2011
Sunday, October 23, 2011
So yesterday afternoon I was babysitting and *planning* to study during the 7-month-old's long afternoon nap. When he flat out refused to nap, I improvised by studying on the day bed in his room while he played on the floor (I had tried studying on the floor with him but he was way too interested in my embryology book and notes). He was happy as long as I made eye contact and smiled at him every minute or so. All was going well until one of my regularly scheduled eye-contact-smiling moments...I went to look at him and he was gone. And seriously, this kid is barely mobile, not even crawling yet. I jumped up and started frantically looking for him (the room isn't that big!) and, after a few seconds of panic, found him under the bed - not just partway under, all the way under and back by the wall - playing with a surge protector. After I managed to drag him out from under there, I decided to forgo the studying...
The little trouble-maker
Friday, October 07, 2011
Sunday, October 02, 2011
I always thought that if only I could pass my first round of exams, I could get my confidence back and the rest of med school would be easy. Well, I passed everything (!!!), and while this makes me so happy and excited and relieved and thankful to God, it certainly hasn't made studying any easier. In fact, this past week has been my worst week of studying since school started (and I always thought I had trouble studying the week after exams because I had just failed everything). While I am feeling more confident (I can do this), I am still questioning myself...maybe I can only do the first set of material. The new material is harder, I'm not nearly as familiar with it, Anna isn't here anymore, etc. And I think more than anything, I'm just getting really tired/bored of studying. But I can do this...I just have to repeat what I did for the first quarter, right? :)