Joy to the World

"Your Father loves you!"

About a month ago the pastor at my church gave a sermon on finding God in difficult times and how He helps us through trials and is there in our pain. At the end Pastor Dane told the story about Steven Curtis Chapman's youngest daughter Maria getting run over (and killed) by his 17-year-old son Will back in May, the night before Will was to graduate highschool. And Pastor Dane said that when Will ran over Maria, he ran and grabbed his sister and held her and screamed for his parents for help. And since they live in the country, a helicopter came to airlift Maria to Vanderbilt. And as Steven went to get into the helicopter with Maria, knowing she was probably going to die because of the severity of her injuries, he called out, "Will! Your father loves you!" And when asked about it later, he said, "I didn't want to lose two children that night." And when Will was asked how he has gotten through this most difficult time, he said through the love and support of his parents and family. And Pastor Dane said it's like that with God. In the midst of our most difficult times, He's calling out to us, "Your Father loves you!"

The End of the Spear

I watched this movie, about Jim Elliott, Nate Saint, and the others who gave their lives witnessing to the Waodani people in Ecaudor in the 1950's. I know the story well; I've known it since I was little. But for some reason, while watching this movie, something struck me differently...at one point, Nate Saint's little boy asks him if he will defend himself if the Waodani attack. And he says something like, "No, we can't. The Waodani aren't ready to meet the Lord. We are." And just like that, these five brave missionaries gave their lives, not fighting back when the Waodani attacked them, even though they had guns with them. Because they were ready to meet Christ, and they knew that their attackers were not.
Given the same opportunity, I don't know if I could do the same. I can only hope so.

Wind

Yesterday and Sunday, the Santa Ana winds were blowing hard. When I walked out my front door yesterday afternoon, I discovered that a bunch of branches had blown off my palm tree and knocked my tomato plant completely over. Then, in the evening, when I was watching TV, the station (and every other channel) suddenly went out. So I decided to go up and check my email instead. Or not...my internet was down too. Oh well, at least the power didn't go out.

Twice as nice

Christmas Shoeboxes

I remember as a child of maybe 10 or so, filling a shoebox with Christmas gifts for a child in war-torn Bosnia, to be delivered by an organization called Samaritan's Purse through an effort they called "Operation Christmas Child". My three siblings and I each carefully selected toys, crayons, mittens, and scarves, wrapped our shoebox tops and bottoms separately, and then each wrote a letter to the child we were sending the gifts to. My child wrote back to me, and I corresponded with this girl for the next couple years.
During my first year at college in Santa Barbara, I was again given the opportunity to fill shoeboxes with Christmas goodies, and I took great joy in filling two shoeboxes, one for a little girl and one for a little boy, to be shipped I don't know where this time.
This year, the Lockwood family, a missionary family in Mexico that I follow by blog, will be passing out Christmas shoeboxes to the children in the town where they serve. They are hoping to be able to pass out ~200 boxes, bringing joy to each child and an opportunity to share the source of true joy, Jesus Christ. I have already made a couple of boxes to send, and have had so much fun doing it! Here is a link to the instructions they have posted if anyone is interested in making one!

Rich

Kudos

...to whoever invented this:



Honestly, I think the Baby Bjorn is the best invention since...I don't know, the microwave maybe? Or the car?

No description needed

Pet peeves...

1. Protecting yourself from the sun. All it took was one skin cancer lecture my first year of med school, and I haven't laid out in the sun since. I cover myself with sunscreen religiously, and encourage anyone I'm with to do the same. And it drives me crazy to see people at the beach laying out in the sun, almost naked and bright red. One in three people will get skin cancer in their lifetime, and having fair skin increases your chances.

2. Motor vehicle safety, i.e. placing your infant in a rear-facing child seat until at least 12 months of age and 20 pounds, and a forward-facing child seat until at least 6 years of age and 60 pounds. Furthermore, don't place your child under 12 years of age in the front seat (air bags kill kids!), and use a child seat with a 5-point harness (not a booster seat with an adult seat belt) until your child is at least 40 pounds.

3. Proofread what you write. Spelling and grammatical errors drive me crazy. (However, I do know that I am not completely exempt from making them occasionally. I am, after all, not completely perfect... ;)

4. Don't waste food. For whatever reason, I can't seem to throw away food until it is obviously too old to eat.

5. Letting your cell phone ring and interrupt church/lectures/conversations/etc.

6. Lateness. I can't stand being late, but I don't mind it as much in others.

7. Eating in front of people without offering the other person some (I mean, that's just plain rude).

Today I decided to get my car washed...

But first I had to clean it out...and yes, all of this was it in. And I did say car, not moving van.

Don't let the plethera of kid stuff - the stroller, snuggli, baby formula, sidewalk chalk, bubbles, etc. - fool you, I don't actually have kids, even though I do spend a lot of time with them.

My car looks great now, although I'm still getting used to how well I can see out the windows when I drive. ;-)

Beauty for Ashes?

"The Spirit of the Lord God is upon me...to grant consolation & joy to those who mourn in Zion - to give them a garland of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, the garment of praise instead of a heavy, burdened, & failing spirit - that they may be called oaks of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that He may be glorified." Isaiah 61.1 & 3

These past several years have been so difficult in so many ways. If I could have known three years ago at the start of medical school, or five years ago when I started at Westmont, where I would be today, I don't think I could have handled it. In fact, I know I couldn't have. There is a reason we cannot see or know what the future holds. At this point, consider how the past few years have been, I wouldn't want to know the future even if I could. I keep waiting for the "beauty for ashes", to see how this puzzle fits together, to figure out the why of all this pain. But I may never know this side of heaven, and things may never get any better or easier...Which is kind of hard to swallow

Things I like

In no particular order...

Rain. My kittens. The beach. My car. Chocolate. My house (condo). My family. Babies. Sleeping. My church. Friends. My watermelon bowls. Picture frames. Babysitting. Decorating my house. Shopping. Coffee Bean. Buying new clothes. Playing games. Starbucks. Drawing and painting (sort of. I'm not really very good at either). Phase 10. Driving. Blankets. Old Navy. Santa Barbara. Getting my car washed. Christmas trees. Pictures. Music. Fireworks. Flying. Dancing. Christmas lights. My digital camera. My Bible (which, incidentally, I stole (borrowed?) from my church after mine was stolen when my car was broken into last March!). Having company. Shoes. Journals. My guest book. Weddings. Children's books. Dresses. Candles. Miniature golfing. Grey's Anatomy. Reading (sometimes. Only if it's a really good book). Bowling. Watching movies with my sisters. Buying things for my cats. My air conditioner. Pens (of any kind, really). Organization. My garden. Children. Buying things for people. Jigsaw puzzles (as long as they're not missing any pieces...that drives me crazy for whatever reason!). Roller coasters. Dolphins. Baby showers. Furniture.

(I was having a bad day, not for any particular reason, so I figured maybe thinking of all the things I love would make me feel better. Hmm, that should do for now.)

Summer...

This summer my time has primarily been occupied by an internship I have been doing at Kids Come First, a medical clinic for uninsured or underinsured children. When I finish this, I will be completely finished with my MPH in global health. I have also been busy with WorldWorks, as I was part of a Leadership Practice team for the past three months (that finished the last weekend of July). We worked with a homeless shelter for families in Corona, and put on several "Kids' Days", on-site carnivals of sorts. Pictures below.
I have continued working three afternoons/evenings a week with autistic children, and I've started going to a Bible study on Friday nights. So far I've only been to one, but I liked it a lot and plan to keep going.
Lastly, I've been babysitting a ton these past couple of weeks. Lots of fun, but a little tiring too.

Ice Cream Flavor

Your Ice Cream Personality:

You are an incredibly modest person. You don't feel comfortable bragging about yourself... or even receiving complements. You have a wild reputation, but you're not as wild as you seem. You take risks, but only measured risks. You are a somewhat open minded person, but deep down you're fairly conservative. You don't like trying new things very much. And if you do find something new you like, you stick with it. You are a natural multitasker. You feel alive when you're doing more than one thing at a time. You are fun loving and sweet. You tend to enjoy joking around and teasing people.

The Ice Cream Personality Test

Special Prayers Needed

I've been following the story of sweet Hadley Fox, a little 7-year-old who has been battling a brain tumor for more than four years now. Recently, this family received devastating news from Hadley's MRI - her tumors are growing, and they are out of treatment options. Please pray for Hadley and her family during this time, and visit Hadley's page and leave a note for them in the guestbook. Hadley has two little brothers, who are 6 and 4, and I can only imagine this must be very difficult for them too.

Praising God through the hard times

These past two weeks have been hard...not for any particular reason, just in general. Yesterday I was really struggling with how to stop feeling so down and depressed, and I sensed God saying, "Praise me in spite of the difficult times". Even though it is hard to want to praise God when things aren't going the way I want them to, it can make all the difference in the world. In fact, it is really the only way to get through tough times. My first inclination is usually to pull away from God in anger whenever things don't go my way, but I have to remember that I don't have to feel like praising God in order to do it, and He really does have my best interest at heart.

Suffering...

Why is there such suffering in the world? Why is life so hard?
I'd been struggling with these thoughts, and just generally been feeling depressed, when I stumbled upon the following:

"He is sovereign...I trust God's reasons. I love Him (because He first loved me) and I am committed to trusting His unknown reasons. I praise You, Lord, for what is unknown to me. You know all, You love and have chosen me, therefore Your decisions for my life are acts of provision and love. You are always right and just. I worship You. In Jesus' name, Amen."

Help me to be so trusting, Lord.

Tragic accident - Prayers please

This morning on the radio on my way to work I heard something very sad. Yesterday Steven Curtis Chapman's little five-year-old daughter, Maria, who they adopted from China, got run over and killed in their driveway at about 5pm. Their older son, Will, was driving their SUV and couldn't see Maria and ran over her. The whole thing is just so heart-breaking...that little girl was so loved and wanted. Please pray for the family.

Five...

What I was doing 10 yrs ago: May 1998...I was 15 years old...finishing my freshman year of highschool. I was an AWANA Cubbies leader, sang in a choir, and played sports as well as serving as a junior coach for the 5-7 year old age group. And I really don't remember a whole lot else...

Five things on my to do list for today: 1. Clean my car 2. Take out the kitchen trash 3. Play with my kittens 4. Vacuum 5. Exercise

Things I would do if I were a billionaire: 1. Pay off my home and school loans 2. Take a trip to Europe 3. Give money to charities I am passionate about...children's cancer research, autism, my church... 4. Buy a new car 5. Invest some of it

Three of my bad habits: 1. Making assumptions 2. Procrastinating 3. Being too self-centered

Five places I have lived: 1. San Jose, California 2. Santa Barbara, California 3. Hemet, California 4. Colton, California 5. And that's it.

Five jobs I have had: 1. Babysitter/Nanny 2. Piano teacher 3. Doctor's office receptionist 4. Teacher for autistic children 5. Biochemistry research assistant

Romans 8

Romans 8:1 "Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus"
Isn't this a powerful verse? I've been meditating on Romans 8 for the past month or so, and am really trying to take this verse (and the rest of the passage) to heart. We are completely forgiven and free in Christ. I struggle so much with condemning myself for every little thing I do (or don't do), that I often fail to experience Christ's acceptance and grace. I feel like it's a balance though, between being conscious of my sin and yet not weighing myself down with guilt. I am already completely acceptable and pleasing to God, because of Christ's death on the cross and forgiveness for my sin. Now I just have to figure out how to accept myself...

This week...

Has been kind of exhausting. I was out of town last weekend, and just feel like I have so much to catch up on from the past couple weeks. And I haven't been sleeping that well...

Yesterday I tried going to Fox to work on some stuff, but only lasted about an hour, and then went home and took a nap. Then I worked late afternoon/evening. I go back and forth these days between work being a "have to" or a "get to". I love my job, honestly I do, it's just sometimes I am so tired in the late afternoon/evening, and especially as it gets toward 8:30 I am just ready to be done.

Butterscotch caught a bird yesterday morning, which made me sad. But I think it was okay, because the bird flew away when I wasn't looking. Butterscotch and Caramel are indoor only cats, but occasionally I let Butterscotch play on the porch when she wants to...well, not any more though!

What is a vision for your life worth the challenge and discomfort of redesign?

Honestly, right now, I'm not sure. So often, I find myself thinking things like, I want a deeper relationship with God. I want more meaningful relationships with other Christians. I want more purpose and meaning in my life in general. And yet when I actually sit down to make changes in my life, like setting aside more time to spend with God, or making choices for more conscious activities in my life, it is often so much easier not to make these choices, and to just continue doing exactly what I've been doing, living my life exactly the way I have. I guess that is why my life never seems to change. Because I choose for it not to.

What is a life worth living?

I've been pondering this question, since someone asked me it yesterday morning...What is a life worth living? A life lived for Christ and one that brings him honor and glory, yes, most definitely, but what does that actually look like? And what else? What do I really want in this life?
Whenever anyone asks me some variation of this question, I always (if I know the person well enough) say that there are really only three things I want...to be a doctor, to get married, and to have children...things that sometimes (often) seem so out of reach. Anything else that when I was younger I might have wanted I now either have or it is no longer important...I own a house (condo), which was one of my goals when I was a senior in college (although that seems relatively unimportant now in the grand sceme of things), I attend an amazing, Biblically-sound church (which is very important), and I have a number of close, Christian friends (yes, still important). But I guess other things just seem more...lifelong, ya know? Oh yeah, and I have an absolutely amazing family, but I guess I've always kind of taken that for granted, since I grew up with that.
I guess what I should really focus on is a closer relationship with Christ, because nothing else besides Him can truly satisfy...and He will show me how the other pieces of my life should fit into place...

Emerson Grace

The youth pastor at my church, Jason, and his wife, Kristin, had their second baby on January 6, 2008, at just 26 weeks gestation, 14 weeks premature. She weighed just 2 lbs. 2.4 oz, and was 13.78 inches long at birth. Emerson fought hard, and was doing well until Sunday afternoon, when she developed NEC (necrotizing enterocolitis) and her bowel perforated, and she died Monday at 12:20pm. She weighed 4 lbs. 14 oz. when she died, and prior to the sudden complications would have gotten to go home in another week or so. She lived for 9 weeks and 1 day.

I know that to be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord, and that Emerson is in heaven with Jesus right now, perfectly healed and free, but something like this is still very sad for those left to miss her. But I guess that when we grieve over things she will never get to do here, opportunities she will never have, etc., we aren't really grieving for Emerson, we're grieving for ourselves, and the things that we will never get to experience with her because she isn't here. Because anything that Emerson might have experienced in 100 years here on earth, pales in comparison to what she is experiencing right now in heaven.

I guess maybe someone who recently lost a baby said what I'm sort of feeling best..."When Adam and Eve were created there was no sin in the world - no mess, no problems, no pain, no sickness, no death. God created humans with no intention of them dying. It's because of our affinity to doing the wrong thing that caused death in the world. I think that's why death is so hard for people to walk through. It's because we were never created to cope with death. We were created to live." (Susie Sams)

1 Thessalonians 4:13-14 "Brothers, we do not want you to be ignorant about those who fall asleep, or to grieve like the rest of men, who have no hope. We believe that Jesus died and rose again and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in him."

Please pray for Emerson's mom and dad, and older brother Finn, who is only 12.5 months old.

Today

I'm watching one of my very best friend's 14-month-old baby for the week while she is out of town. Today is day three. The baby is really good...she sleeps 12 hours at night, takes a 2 hour nap in the morning and a 2 hour nap in the afternoon, and has only cried maybe twice since I've had her. Today, however, was just one of those days...
We started out with her sneezing an entire mouthful of baby food carrots all over herself, me, the floor, the kitchen cupboard, etc. It was really funny, but still a huge mess to clean up. Then we took a shower together (this was what her mom suggested we do...apparently she doesn't like taking baths). That didn't work so well, but the worst part was after we got out. I was wrapped in a towel, I set her down on the floor, and before I had a chance to put her diaper on, she jumped up and started chasing after my cats, which she loves. And not 30 seconds later, before my very eyes, on my carpeted floor, she pooped! And there was nothing I could do, I was across the room and by the time I grabbed her it was too late. I quickly put on her diaper and cleaned things up before she or one of the cats had time to make a bigger mess...Then, fast-forward to this afternoon. While she was napping, I decided to wash a load of laundry (since there were carrots all over her sleeper). And I locked my laundry room key in the laundry room with all my clothes! Could have been worse, I could have locked my house key in there or something (now that would have been an emergency), and I did manage to get the key out when another lady went in to do her laundry...Then, this evening, I had just folded an entire load of laundry, when someone sweetly unfolded it all for me. ;) And then when she turned around, I noticed that she'd found a pen somewhere and had a streak of black ink across her cheek! Fortunately it wasn't permanant! Now she's fast asleep for the night...babies are so sweet when they're sleeping (and most of the time when they're awake too). :)

4 Things

4 Things

4 Jobs I've Had:
1. Babysitter
2. Receptionist, Care First Pediatrics (doctor's office)
3. Nanny for family with 5 children
4. Teacher for autistic children

4 Movies Watched Over and Over:
1. A Walk to Remember
2. Raising Helen
3. Baby Einstein
4.

4 Places I've Lived:
1. San Jose, California
2. Santa Barbara, California
3. Hemet, California
4. Colton, California

4 TV Shows I Watch:
1. Grey's Anatomy
2. ER
3. Private Practice
4. A Baby Story

4 Favorite Places I've Been:
1. Mexico
2. Peru
3. Washington, D.C.
4. Pennsylvania

4. Cities in Europe (that I would love to visit):
1. Paris
2. Dublin
3. Madrid
4. London

4 People who e-mail Me Regularly:
1. My mom
2. School people
3. Julie
4. Anna

4 Places I'd Rather Be:
1. Coffee Bean
2. The beach
3. With friends
4. At home with my family

4 Things I Look Forward to This Year:
1. Finishing this year of school
2.
3.
4.

If you are reading this, consider yourself tagged!

So sad

Last night as I was getting off the freeway on my way to work, I noticed a man and woman at the side of the off ramp...the man was holding a side saying something about Homeless, need help, and was woman was sitting down HOLDING A BABY!!! I did a double take (the light was red, so I had a minute to look), to see if the baby was actually real...she had it wrapped in a blanket and was giving it a bottle...and the baby's eyes blinked, so I knew it was real. And it made me so sad. I really wanted to do something to help, anything, but what??? And I had to get to work...As I drove the final 7 or so minutes to work, I pondered in my head things I could have done/could do for these people...I couldn't take them anywhere in my car - way too dangerous. I could offer to buy them food at Del Taco, just down the street from where they were. Money? But what would they do with it? I didn't really want to do that. Formula or something for the baby? But they could sell it on the black market. Oh man, I overthink absolutely everything! I could connect them with my church and someone there could help them (there's a large park where homeless people live across the street from my church, so the church has helped people out before). But how to get them there...
I knew they wouldn't still be standing out there at 8:30 pm when I got off work. But I did check again this morning when I was coming home from the chiropractor (I don't usually take that offramp when I'm just going home, but I did specifically). They weren't there, so who knows if I'll see them again...I can at least pray for them though...

Personality

Your Personality is Somewhat Common (ISFJ)

Your personality type is stubborn, conservative, trustworthy, and caring. About 13% of all people have your personality, including 18% of all women and 7% of all men You are Introverted, Sensing, Feeling, and Judging.

How Rare Is Your Personality?

2008

I feel like writing something on here, but am not quite sure what to write. I had a wonderful three-week visit at home with my family over Christmas break. I was able to see a number of good friends and spend lots of time just hanging out, which was so nice. I just love my family! They're the best!
Now I'm back in Loma Linda...school started last week, and I've started my job working with autistic kids again (I had a class last quarter that conflicted with my job schedule so I had to take a break from work for a few months). It's so nice to be back, getting to see all my coworkers again and work with all the kids.
And that about sums up the past week and a half...oh yeah, and I've spent tons of time with Butterscotch and Caramel, my kittens (they missed me a lot, even though the neighbors did take good care of them). I have to get to class, which starts in 10 minutes...