What is a vision for your life worth the challenge and discomfort of redesign?

Honestly, right now, I'm not sure. So often, I find myself thinking things like, I want a deeper relationship with God. I want more meaningful relationships with other Christians. I want more purpose and meaning in my life in general. And yet when I actually sit down to make changes in my life, like setting aside more time to spend with God, or making choices for more conscious activities in my life, it is often so much easier not to make these choices, and to just continue doing exactly what I've been doing, living my life exactly the way I have. I guess that is why my life never seems to change. Because I choose for it not to.

What is a life worth living?

I've been pondering this question, since someone asked me it yesterday morning...What is a life worth living? A life lived for Christ and one that brings him honor and glory, yes, most definitely, but what does that actually look like? And what else? What do I really want in this life?
Whenever anyone asks me some variation of this question, I always (if I know the person well enough) say that there are really only three things I want...to be a doctor, to get married, and to have children...things that sometimes (often) seem so out of reach. Anything else that when I was younger I might have wanted I now either have or it is no longer important...I own a house (condo), which was one of my goals when I was a senior in college (although that seems relatively unimportant now in the grand sceme of things), I attend an amazing, Biblically-sound church (which is very important), and I have a number of close, Christian friends (yes, still important). But I guess other things just seem more...lifelong, ya know? Oh yeah, and I have an absolutely amazing family, but I guess I've always kind of taken that for granted, since I grew up with that.
I guess what I should really focus on is a closer relationship with Christ, because nothing else besides Him can truly satisfy...and He will show me how the other pieces of my life should fit into place...

Emerson Grace

The youth pastor at my church, Jason, and his wife, Kristin, had their second baby on January 6, 2008, at just 26 weeks gestation, 14 weeks premature. She weighed just 2 lbs. 2.4 oz, and was 13.78 inches long at birth. Emerson fought hard, and was doing well until Sunday afternoon, when she developed NEC (necrotizing enterocolitis) and her bowel perforated, and she died Monday at 12:20pm. She weighed 4 lbs. 14 oz. when she died, and prior to the sudden complications would have gotten to go home in another week or so. She lived for 9 weeks and 1 day.

I know that to be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord, and that Emerson is in heaven with Jesus right now, perfectly healed and free, but something like this is still very sad for those left to miss her. But I guess that when we grieve over things she will never get to do here, opportunities she will never have, etc., we aren't really grieving for Emerson, we're grieving for ourselves, and the things that we will never get to experience with her because she isn't here. Because anything that Emerson might have experienced in 100 years here on earth, pales in comparison to what she is experiencing right now in heaven.

I guess maybe someone who recently lost a baby said what I'm sort of feeling best..."When Adam and Eve were created there was no sin in the world - no mess, no problems, no pain, no sickness, no death. God created humans with no intention of them dying. It's because of our affinity to doing the wrong thing that caused death in the world. I think that's why death is so hard for people to walk through. It's because we were never created to cope with death. We were created to live." (Susie Sams)

1 Thessalonians 4:13-14 "Brothers, we do not want you to be ignorant about those who fall asleep, or to grieve like the rest of men, who have no hope. We believe that Jesus died and rose again and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in him."

Please pray for Emerson's mom and dad, and older brother Finn, who is only 12.5 months old.

Today

I'm watching one of my very best friend's 14-month-old baby for the week while she is out of town. Today is day three. The baby is really good...she sleeps 12 hours at night, takes a 2 hour nap in the morning and a 2 hour nap in the afternoon, and has only cried maybe twice since I've had her. Today, however, was just one of those days...
We started out with her sneezing an entire mouthful of baby food carrots all over herself, me, the floor, the kitchen cupboard, etc. It was really funny, but still a huge mess to clean up. Then we took a shower together (this was what her mom suggested we do...apparently she doesn't like taking baths). That didn't work so well, but the worst part was after we got out. I was wrapped in a towel, I set her down on the floor, and before I had a chance to put her diaper on, she jumped up and started chasing after my cats, which she loves. And not 30 seconds later, before my very eyes, on my carpeted floor, she pooped! And there was nothing I could do, I was across the room and by the time I grabbed her it was too late. I quickly put on her diaper and cleaned things up before she or one of the cats had time to make a bigger mess...Then, fast-forward to this afternoon. While she was napping, I decided to wash a load of laundry (since there were carrots all over her sleeper). And I locked my laundry room key in the laundry room with all my clothes! Could have been worse, I could have locked my house key in there or something (now that would have been an emergency), and I did manage to get the key out when another lady went in to do her laundry...Then, this evening, I had just folded an entire load of laundry, when someone sweetly unfolded it all for me. ;) And then when she turned around, I noticed that she'd found a pen somewhere and had a streak of black ink across her cheek! Fortunately it wasn't permanant! Now she's fast asleep for the night...babies are so sweet when they're sleeping (and most of the time when they're awake too). :)

4 Things

4 Things

4 Jobs I've Had:
1. Babysitter
2. Receptionist, Care First Pediatrics (doctor's office)
3. Nanny for family with 5 children
4. Teacher for autistic children

4 Movies Watched Over and Over:
1. A Walk to Remember
2. Raising Helen
3. Baby Einstein
4.

4 Places I've Lived:
1. San Jose, California
2. Santa Barbara, California
3. Hemet, California
4. Colton, California

4 TV Shows I Watch:
1. Grey's Anatomy
2. ER
3. Private Practice
4. A Baby Story

4 Favorite Places I've Been:
1. Mexico
2. Peru
3. Washington, D.C.
4. Pennsylvania

4. Cities in Europe (that I would love to visit):
1. Paris
2. Dublin
3. Madrid
4. London

4 People who e-mail Me Regularly:
1. My mom
2. School people
3. Julie
4. Anna

4 Places I'd Rather Be:
1. Coffee Bean
2. The beach
3. With friends
4. At home with my family

4 Things I Look Forward to This Year:
1. Finishing this year of school
2.
3.
4.

If you are reading this, consider yourself tagged!

So sad

Last night as I was getting off the freeway on my way to work, I noticed a man and woman at the side of the off ramp...the man was holding a side saying something about Homeless, need help, and was woman was sitting down HOLDING A BABY!!! I did a double take (the light was red, so I had a minute to look), to see if the baby was actually real...she had it wrapped in a blanket and was giving it a bottle...and the baby's eyes blinked, so I knew it was real. And it made me so sad. I really wanted to do something to help, anything, but what??? And I had to get to work...As I drove the final 7 or so minutes to work, I pondered in my head things I could have done/could do for these people...I couldn't take them anywhere in my car - way too dangerous. I could offer to buy them food at Del Taco, just down the street from where they were. Money? But what would they do with it? I didn't really want to do that. Formula or something for the baby? But they could sell it on the black market. Oh man, I overthink absolutely everything! I could connect them with my church and someone there could help them (there's a large park where homeless people live across the street from my church, so the church has helped people out before). But how to get them there...
I knew they wouldn't still be standing out there at 8:30 pm when I got off work. But I did check again this morning when I was coming home from the chiropractor (I don't usually take that offramp when I'm just going home, but I did specifically). They weren't there, so who knows if I'll see them again...I can at least pray for them though...

Personality

Your Personality is Somewhat Common (ISFJ)

Your personality type is stubborn, conservative, trustworthy, and caring. About 13% of all people have your personality, including 18% of all women and 7% of all men You are Introverted, Sensing, Feeling, and Judging.

How Rare Is Your Personality?

2008

I feel like writing something on here, but am not quite sure what to write. I had a wonderful three-week visit at home with my family over Christmas break. I was able to see a number of good friends and spend lots of time just hanging out, which was so nice. I just love my family! They're the best!
Now I'm back in Loma Linda...school started last week, and I've started my job working with autistic kids again (I had a class last quarter that conflicted with my job schedule so I had to take a break from work for a few months). It's so nice to be back, getting to see all my coworkers again and work with all the kids.
And that about sums up the past week and a half...oh yeah, and I've spent tons of time with Butterscotch and Caramel, my kittens (they missed me a lot, even though the neighbors did take good care of them). I have to get to class, which starts in 10 minutes...

Is anything too hard for the Lord

Is anything too hard for the Lord Genesis 18:14
This is God's loving challenge to you and me each day. He wants us to think of the deepest, highest and worthiest desires and longings of our hearts. He wants us to think of those things that perhaps were desires for ourselves or someone dear to us, yet have gone unfulfilled for so long that we now see them as simply lost desires. And God urges us to think for even the one thing that we once saw as possible but have given up all hope of seeing fulfilled in this life.That very thing, as long as it aligns with that we know to be His expressed will - as a son was to Abraham and Sarah - God intends to do for us. Yes, if we will let Him, God will do that very thing, even if we know it is such an utter impossibility that we would simply laugh at the absurdity of anyone ever suggesting it could come to pass."Is anything too hard for the LORD?" No, nothing is too difficult when we believe in Him enough to go forward doing His will and letting Him do the impossible for us. Even Abraham and Sarah could have blocked God's plan if they had continued to disbelieve.The only thing "Too hard for the LORD" is our deliberate and continual disbelief in His love and power, and our ultimate rejection of His plans for us. Nothing is impossible for Jehovah to do for those who trust Him.

from Messages for the Morning Watch; copied from Luke's blog

My life in Loma Linda

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The most amazing lesson in forgiveness

I had lunch at Applebee's with one of my best friends here in Loma Linda, someone that I've known since before I moved down here two years ago. I had specifically asked her to have lunch with me, since I knew I needed to talk to her about something that I'd been putting off for way too long, months actually. Without going into any details, I didn't tell her about something that occurred months ago, and have since lied about it and made up details to cover up that fact that things aren't exactly the way that they would be if said event hadn't occurred. I didn't tell her originally because I didn't want to hurt her, and I didn't want her to be disappointed with me...I don't know what I thought would eventually happen, I really have no idea...
She had every right to never want to speak to me again... As we sat down at the restaurant, and I began by saying, "I better just say what I need to say now..." because I knew it wasn't going to get any easier, I followed that up by saying, "And if after I say this you want to get up and leave, I'll understand, because you'll have every right to..."
But after I told her the truth, she looked at me and said, "It's okay." She said that multiple times as I kept trying to tell her that it wasn't okay, that what I had done was terrible. But without a second thought, she just forgave me. And she even went on to say that she didn't want things to be awkward between us, that this whole thing was under the rug and done with now. I went on to say that she'd have every right to never believe another word I said, but she simply said, "But I won't have to worry about that now, will I?"
As we parted ways, she said, "So now we're done with this, and we won't have to talk about it again." Forgive and forget. Afterwards, I found myself wondering why Christ had so fully lifted me from any lasting consequences of this, because sin does have consequences... And then I realized, He wanted to teach me an even more important lesson, that of forgiveness. I so often feel that what I have done is so awful, so terrible, that I cannot possibly be forgiven. But if my friend could so easily forgive me and restore our fellowship and allow our friendship to not be awkward, how much more does God do this for me when I confess my sin, stop doing it, and seek His forgiveness?

Childhood Cancer Awareness

Home from Peru

Let’s see, to recap some of the highlights from my last week in Peru (I got home on Thursday)...
But first, just to clarify (after talking to my little sis and finding out that my parents were really worried and thought that I was having a terrible trip after my last apparently “depressing” email)...that week was a bit difficult, but overall, this trip to Peru was absolutely amazing and I loved it more than I could ever have imagined! And it was so eye-opening to the way so, so many people in the world live, so drastically different from the comforts that I am so accustomed to. Anyway, my last week in Puno...we took a boat out to Los Uros Islands, some of the floating islands on Lake Titicaca, which was super fun! It was a little disconcerting at first, since the islands were kind of “squishy”and just made out of straw, but once we got used to it we had a great time. The people make all their houses and huts out of this straw/reed stuff too, and even have boats and look out towers made out of it. We went to the main tourist island, and then had lunch at a more secluded island where they have little teepees that people can stay at for the night. Another fun thing we did in Puno was play sports with the staff of one of the NGOs (non-governmental organizations) that we visited. That was definitely a work out, since Puno is at 13,000 feet above sea level! I skipped the basketball and volleyball, but did get my exercise playing soccer. Our group did lots of subbing in and out, to say the least. In Puno I also did plenty of shopping, lived off their chocolate chip ice cream, fed my leftover bread from Lima to these pigeons in the central park (which was hilarious, because this Peruvian lady came up to me and said, “Oh how wonderful, you’ve come to our country to feed our birds!”), ran up and down the stairs at our hotel what seemed like hundreds of times, and found a Peruvian penpal.

To conclude, these were some of my favorite verses on the trip, and I tried to keep them close to heart as I remembered that I wanted to truly represent Christ's hands as I worked with the people we came in contact with. Colossians 2:2-3 "That their hearts may be encouraged, having been knit together in love, and attaining to all the wealth that comes from the full assurance of understanding, resulting in a true knowledge of God's mystery, that is, Christ Himself, in whom are hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge."

May God bless you richly as you enjoy the rest of your summer!

Alane

My week in Peru...

The week started out great…we were going to Machu Picchu! That’s about the only thing that’s gone well this week, though…
First, due to recent political strikes causing a back-up at Machu Picchu, we had at leave at 3:30 am instead of the planned 7am or so…then my friend Marc and I somehow got mixed up and thought it was 3am instead of 3:30, so she and I got up a half hour before we needed to and were wandering around downstairs wondering where everyone else was at 3 in the morning! Then our 1+ hour bus ride to the train station was one of the coldest experiences I’ve ever had, feeling colder than the north pole even though I was wearing two pairs of pants, four shirts, and a coat…and our bus driver was terrible…he was weaving all over the road (the curvy mountain road), and when we asked him to turn on the heat he turned on the AC. The 2-hour train ride wasn’t much warmer, and when we got to Aguas Calientes, the town right below Machu Picchu, it was raining. When we got it Machu Picchu (another freezing 25-minute bus ride) it was so foggy and misty we could hardly see a thing, but at least we began it warm up. And it did clear up after about an hour, and we all had a great time exploring and hiking around the ancient Inca civilization.
When we were ready to head back, however, our problems only continued. Our 2:35 train was 2 ½ hours late (they said it had broken down or something)…and by the time it came the people for the 4:20 train were also waiting. What ensued was mass chaos as hundreds of people tried to shove their way onto the train in hopes of making it to their assigned seats first before the other trainload of people…we couldn’t even figure out which coach was ours. No sooner had Eric and I gotten on what we thought was coach B and staked out our territory, then everyone started going crazy and insisting it was coach A. Pretty soon no one knew what coach it was. “They told me this is coach A!” “No, this is B!” “D? Is this D?” Finally it was confirmed that it was in fact A, and we had to shove our way through the masses yet again to reach our real seats. But it all worked out and we got our seats…things only got worse though, because then I started getting sick on the train ride back. And then the bus ride…we almost died! I kid you not, our bus driver passed every single other car, taxi, bus, and truck on the road, on blind curves and uphill stretches, once almost having a head-on collision!
Anyway, I still didn’t feel great Monday, and a bunch of other students were getting sick from eating pizza at Machu Picchu (I didn’t eat any pizza, so go figure why I was sick). And we had a 6+ hour bus ride from Cusco to Puno, with a bathroom that faced backwards, definitely designed by men, for men. And then once we got to Puno, I got locked out of my hotel room for more than an hour! And the front desk was super unhelpful (this is definitely NOT the U.S.). Then I hardly got a wink of sleep because my two roommates were talking really loudly in Spanish till 2am, and then I was up for another hour because I was feeling sick again.
Then we had to get up early to head to our village homestays, where we stay with families in the villages where we were working. Mine was in the village of Chijnaya, 2 hours away in this tiny van, squished in with all our luggage. By the time we got to Chijnaya, I didn’t feel well again, especially after touring the whole village and eating our welcoming lunch (potato and lamb soup – no, I didn’t eat any of the lamb – and rice and pasta with more potatoes). So I went to my homestay family’s home, and laid down and tried to sleep and feel better for the next seven hours, to no avail. Just as I was finally drifting off to sleep, my homestay father burst in to mention that I should probably lock the door because otherwise the dogs would get in during the night! Good thing too, because there was this huge dog fight outside my room during the night! Between that and the cows mooing, chickens crowing, pig oinking, and my family’s baby crying, I really didn’t get much sleep. Oh yeah, and the bathroom (if you could call it that) – which is actually just a hole in the ground surrounded by 3 ½ walls with no door – is located right in the middle of the cow pen, next to the pig sty, so I have to choose between risking getting kicked by one of my family’s enormous cows, or jumping over a pile of fresh manure. Oh yeah, and the food – I did eat breakfast the first day – rice, and the saltiest eggs I’ve ever tasted in my life (but at least they were fully cooked). Lunch – the same thing, which I saved for a dog (I wasn’t eating outside with my family because it was too windy). Dinner – I told my family I didn’t eat much in the evenings, and I’d just have hot tea, which I used the cup to warm my hands and then watered the plant in my room with after it cooled down. The next day: breakfast – potato vegetable noodle soup, I ate it; lunch – rice, chicken, and more potatoes – I ate some of it, as much as I could. Then I left yesterday afternoon – I just couldn’t handle the whole community thing anymore. As most of you can probably guess, forcing myself to eat food I don’t want to, or any food for that matter, is not one of my strong points at all, and I just couldn’t do it any more, not to mention the whole roughing it thing. And it was SO COLD there! I honestly wore the same layered outfit (tights, socks, two pairs of pants, four shirts, sweat shirts, jackets, snow gloves, snow hat) for 48 hours straight, never even taking it off.
But there were some bright spots – getting to test the eyes of about 60 elementary school children, with the Spanish alphabet (good thing that’s one thing I know!); giving the elementary kids crayons and pencils we had brought and doing a drawing project with them; getting to know my Chijnayan family in the VERY limited Spanish that I know; sharing pictures of my family with them; finally getting their 23-month-old baby to like me after I gave him a blow up ball and played catch with him (he’s very shy and was terrified of me at first); dancing with the community and laughing along with them at the community theatre we put on, even though I couldn’t understand most of it, except through context; giving my homestay gift to my family yesterday, as well as little gifts I’d brought for their kids, and being given a beautiful handmade wallhanging the mother of my family had made for me in return; having devotions with our group from Loma Linda and realizing just how much God has blessed us this trip; and bonding with my fellow students over shared crazy homestay experiences!!!
Okay, that’s the end of my novel for now, hope you all are well, and appreciating all the things we take for granted in life so often!

This is Peru!

This is Peru...Honking cars everywhere. Shopkeepers begging you to buy their wares. Children selling little dolls on the streets. "One sol!" (about 33 cents) Other little children, scarcely toddlers, grimey and wearing tattered clothes, begging for just a little money. Scuffed with dirt and dust on their faces and clothes but still full of energy and with beautiful smiles, I can barely resist the urge to give them money. If I were´t with the other students, I would give in. Taxi drivers that fly and swerve through the streets so crazily you are sure you will not arrive at your destination alive. Restrooms that almost never seem to be stocked with toilet paper. And when they are, do not put it in the toilet, put it in the trash! Cars, taxis, and buses that NEVER yield to pedestrians, even in crosswalks (be careful crossing streets!). Restaurants that are overwhelmed by groups of 7 or 8 people at one time. Clothes...hats, sweaters, gloves, socks...all sold for a fraction of what they cost in the U.S. (and I hear it's even cheaper in Cusco!). Cab rides that would cost about $40+ for one person in the U.S. are about $3 for five people here. The weather is cool and misty, and often cold...I haven´t been cold in months! Showers that have hot water...sometimes...but are often cold (or unpredictable)...needless to say I have only taken two showers since getting here four days ago, since I´ve only been able to time it right twice. Coordinated, organized packing is everything...I can't even begin to count how many times I've completely turned both my suitcases and my backpack totally upside down just looking for my toothbrush (not to mention numerous other things). And it was well-founded for me to want to bring food...I've only missed breakfast 3/4 times...yesterday my roommate Elise and I completely overslept both our alarms and BARELY made it to our 9am lecture! But peanut butter and crackers and granola bars rock!

Five Factor Personality Test

Your Five Factor Personality Profile

Extroversion: You have low extroversion. You are quiet and reserved in most social situations. A low key, laid back lifestyle is important to you. You tend to bond slowly, over time, with one or two people. Conscientiousness: You have medium conscientiousness. You're generally good at balancing work and play. When you need to buckle down, you can usually get tasks done. But you've been known to goof off when you know you can get away with it. Agreeableness: You have medium agreeableness. You're generally a friendly and trusting person. But you also have a healthy dose of cynicism. You get along well with others, as long as they play fair. Neuroticism: You have high neuroticism. It's easy for you to feel shaken, worried, or depressed. You often worry, and your worries prevent you from living life fully. You tend to be emotionally reactive and moody. You're either flying very high or feeling very low. Openness to experience: Your openness to new experiences is low. You're a pretty conservative person, and you favor what's socially acceptable. You think that change for novelty's sake is a very bad idea. While some may see this as boring, many see you as dependable and wise.

The Five Factor Personality Test

"Autism Speaks"

"A world where.."

Description: images of autistic children- facts about autism
Charity: autismspeaks
Author: Bill Shea
Credits: Creative group
Views: 213734
Posted: 3/23/07 5:04 PM
Tags: children stats parents autism speaks listen

Always remember...

Always remember, when God made you He did so with a purpose and a plan. He saw all your days before you lived one of them and placed over you the covering of His protective love. He has allowed nothing to come into your life that has not first been screened through that love. His hand has remained upon you to this very day. He calls you by name. You are His beloved child... the apple of His eye... the delight of His heart. Today you are in the exact place He wants you to be, and tomorrow He will be with you as He has always been - in goodness, in kindness, in faithfulness.

Still Waiting...

"As bad as it may seem to you right now, as far away as God may seem, if you just wait, you will realize that God is even better than He ever was before you went through whatever it was you had to face."
-Ben Patterson, Campus Pastor at Westmont College, Chapel on November 3, 2004

Snow in Loma Linda!

January 12, 2007


This is what I woke up to Friday morning